During the glory days of my mission, in a district meeting one day, the Zone Leader was setting up a role-play for us to practice our missionarying skills. The Elder started off by saying, "Ok Sister, you will be a nun and your daughter..." at which point I confusedly blurted out, "What do you mean, daughter? Nuns don't have sex."
My simple declaration of an obvious snafu in his proposed scenario was met with one muted chuckle (from my companion) and four sets of nineteen year old diverted eyes. After the ensuing five second awkward silence the Zone Leader proffered, "Way to be bold Sister Hinmon."
Mormons are uncomfortable talking about sex, which is terribly ironic for three reasons:
1. We have a lot of it. We have notoriously large families, and I certainly hope by now that we all know where babies come from.
2. We have a very specific, direct mandate that shapes what is and is not appropriate for our sexual behavior. If we don't adhere to this code of conduct there are ramifications, immediate and eternal. Understanding and adhering to this mandate often necessitates conversation.
3. We are, in our own way, a very sex-positive people. We have our lessons on abstinence and fidelity, but the core is always that we save that experience for our partner because it is so special, wonderful, beautiful, and bonding.
Still, despite these seemingly obvious facts we sometimes find ourselves internalizing the mantra, "Sex is uncontrollable, sex is scary, sex could destroy your life, sex is stronger than you ever could be. Avoid it at all costs, then give it to someone you love." I suggest that this rhetoric is not only ineffective, but damaging. The solution? We’ve got to start talking in an open, matter of fact way about sex.
This is the first instalment in a series of articles wherein I will discuss several reasons it is important that we as LDS people get comfortable discussing a wide variety of topics related to sexual behavior. I’ll start with a point that is painfully obvious to the sexually inexperienced everywhere: secrecy only breeds intrigue.
Every six year old on the playground knows the sting of the phrase, “I know something you don’t know!” and in today’s world it is unavoidably evident that the sexually inexperienced are out of the loop on what seems to be an exceptional experience. Curiosity means questions, and when the only means of discovery are uncomfortable, taboo, forbidden, and (in the case of pornography) extremely distorted, sensationalized, and downright inaccurate, we facilitate an environment primed for secret experimentation or guilt ridden internet searches that can quickly spiral out of the realm of informational and into psychologically damaging territory. Here is born a shame riddled relationship with something sacred and given by God. We can normalize sex without taking away its sacred nature. What would life be like if your curiosities about sex could be answered in an open, honest, matter of fact way? Free from shame and socially acceptable, this kind of dialogue is a healthy way to curb curiosity and keep covenants intact.
Stay tuned for the next installment of reasons it's good to talk about sex, or share your thoughts with us here.
2. We have a very specific, direct mandate that shapes what is and is not appropriate for our sexual behavior. If we don't adhere to this code of conduct there are ramifications, immediate and eternal. Understanding and adhering to this mandate often necessitates conversation.
3. We are, in our own way, a very sex-positive people. We have our lessons on abstinence and fidelity, but the core is always that we save that experience for our partner because it is so special, wonderful, beautiful, and bonding.
Still, despite these seemingly obvious facts we sometimes find ourselves internalizing the mantra, "Sex is uncontrollable, sex is scary, sex could destroy your life, sex is stronger than you ever could be. Avoid it at all costs, then give it to someone you love." I suggest that this rhetoric is not only ineffective, but damaging. The solution? We’ve got to start talking in an open, matter of fact way about sex.
This is the first instalment in a series of articles wherein I will discuss several reasons it is important that we as LDS people get comfortable discussing a wide variety of topics related to sexual behavior. I’ll start with a point that is painfully obvious to the sexually inexperienced everywhere: secrecy only breeds intrigue.
Every six year old on the playground knows the sting of the phrase, “I know something you don’t know!” and in today’s world it is unavoidably evident that the sexually inexperienced are out of the loop on what seems to be an exceptional experience. Curiosity means questions, and when the only means of discovery are uncomfortable, taboo, forbidden, and (in the case of pornography) extremely distorted, sensationalized, and downright inaccurate, we facilitate an environment primed for secret experimentation or guilt ridden internet searches that can quickly spiral out of the realm of informational and into psychologically damaging territory. Here is born a shame riddled relationship with something sacred and given by God. We can normalize sex without taking away its sacred nature. What would life be like if your curiosities about sex could be answered in an open, honest, matter of fact way? Free from shame and socially acceptable, this kind of dialogue is a healthy way to curb curiosity and keep covenants intact.
Stay tuned for the next installment of reasons it's good to talk about sex, or share your thoughts with us here.