We Mormons are a people of many traditions, for better or worse--and when it's for worse we have a saying.
"Well, there's doctrine, and then there's culture."
I like this phrase because it reminds me that, in those moments where I'm in church and something feels terribly, horribly wrong, it probably is wrong. This phrase reminds me that that's not God, that's just His kids doing their best, so I don't have to reconcile my life to fit that disconcerting incarnation of an expression of faith.
I am also deeply disturbed by this phrase because I've found that most often it's used to justify the places our culture doesn't line up with our doctrines. In other words, it's telling us we don't have to practice what we preach. Some of these cultural elements are peripheral, silly, even entertaining. Others are damaging in ways we find hard to see through all the good intentions and green Jello. Take, for example, this scenario:
I've been active in the Church for over two decades, so really, I don't have to ask. This is happening, and what I have to say about it is…what the crap is going on?!
The gospel of Jesus Christ is absolutely bursting at the seams with the most epic concepts available to the human mind and soul. It has, not some answers, but the answers to the intense pain and suffering we as stupid humans put each other through. It's profound. It's moving. It's applicable to any and every person and situation. How, then, is it possible that we can all sit in a meeting designed to discuss this, most grandiose of all things in existence, and somehow wind up saying--or worse, learning-- in our meetings, either nothing at all or the same thing over and over until it's masticated beyond recognition? Then we leave behind sacred walls and immediately recommence stuffing ourselves with spiritually empty calories of internet, TV and the trivial.
This thing that happens too many Sundays-- emaciated souls leaving church not having filled up on the spiritual feast that God's system is designed to provide. It should come as no surprise to any of us, then, when these same famished individuals are turning elsewhere to find their spiritual sustenance. The good news in all this is that there's something we can do about this. It's simple. I think you're going to like it. You ready?
Say what you are actually thinking. If it's kind and true and on topic, it is incredibly necessary that you speak out.
Listen up--you have the power within yourself to begin the transformation of a class disengaged and half alert into a place where people can awake in Christ. People who are starving and spiritually depleted, because that's what the world does to everybody at times. You are not the exception. Life is hard. You are the norm.
Whether you're the teacher or the student, when you come to church, show up. Bring your A game, even if that morning it's the game where you tell yourself you will just get out of bed... just sit in the foyer... just stay through second hour. Or if it's the game where you spend the hours imagining scenes from Nacho Libre to try to fight back tears through the lesson about eternal families. Bring it. Bring what you've got and don't be embarrassed. Life is messy and that's what Jesus died for.
It's not about friends.
It's not about outfits.
It's not about comparing your life to the imaginary lives of the people around you. You're wrong about them, by the way.
It's not about any kind of front.
Church is where you bring your broken heart and your spirit as contrite as you can make it and be still for a while. Listen to the people, but mostly to God. Find similarities between you and your ward family. Look to draw and give strength. It's about learning. Edifying. Healing. Honesty. Humility. Application. Change.
If you're attending church as a full grown adult, there has got to be some kind of reason. Think back to the times when you knew. The times when you felt it. The times when it was real. Then, engage in the world around you. Show up. Be present. Be yourself and speak your mind. We need you. I need you. God needs you, to make the culture of His church better.