Written by Lindsay Hinmon We’ve all been there, on the phone with our friend back home, chatting about the weather when all of a sudden a cockroach the size of a rat scurries across our foot. Naturally we do a momentary harlem shake and this (or some similar) phrase escapes our lips, “The cockroaches in Hawaii are the Godzillas of all cockroaches!” Our friend, inevitably sarcastically responds, “Oh, shut up. Poor you! You live in Hawaii!” |
I’ll be the first to admit that life on the island is beyond worth the sacrifices we make. I’ve seen more earthly beauty in the last year of my life than the first twenty. The fruit is fantastic, the sun is exquisite, the sand is a thing of beauty and I will never, ever, ever get over my crush on the crystal blue hue of the ocean waves of Hawaii. That being said, Hawaii is much, much more than the tropical paradise portrayed on postcards, and when that “much, much more” starts invading my cupboards, a girl’s got the right to express her discontent.
I offer you 10 Reasons I’m Allowed to (Momentarily) Hate Hawaii.
I offer you 10 Reasons I’m Allowed to (Momentarily) Hate Hawaii.
1. Two days ago I bought an apple which I placed directly into my fruit bowl. Yesterday when I went to grab it as a snack on my way to class I caught a cockroach gnawing its vicious little way through it.
2. Whatever your grocery bill is now, just double it.
3. “Laid back” doesn’t even begin to cover it. I ordered a burger in a local restaurant and waited 45 minutes for it to arrive. I was the only one in the restaurant. I was asked to repeat my order twice. Mahalo!
4. Beetles. In my cereal box.
5.Rats. (This is the photo you get because I was terrified to search google images any further.)
6. *Does not ship to Alaska or Hawaii - always in extra fine print.
7. Flash floods… of sweat. Sweat mustaches, sweaty pits, sweat stains, sweat rivers, sweating off all my makeup and the evidence of everybody else’s sweat left behind everywhere I go.
8. Mold. Like, whoa. And I obliterated it with bleach last Saturday.
9. Hawaii will pre-chew your gum for you. Awww, isn’t that sweet?
10… there is no 10. All I have is 9. You’re right. Hawaii is freaking amazing.